Diary of a Single Saved Woman

My heart is overwhelmed today and when I say today, I mean in this season of my life. It's almost like my whole life was arranged to get me right where I am...right now... Never have I been more happier, never have I been more content, more confident, at peace, in faith, possessing such clarity! Clarity of vision, clarity of desires, clarity of who I am, clarity of what I possess (my many assets...what I bring to the table), clarity of where I'm going. Don't get me wrong, I don't have all the details and I still have unfulfilled desires regarding finances and a husband but for the most part, I can truly say that despite of it, I remain full of joy. I've seen God answer so many prayers that I'm confident that He'll finish what He started in me. He has blessed me sooooo much! God knows I don't deserve half of what He's given me, talents, gifts, peace, protection, healing, deliverance, sanity....Thank God for grace, mercy and favor. For the first time in my life, I understand who I am, what I like, what I want possessing the desire and strength to pursue my hopes and dreams. What I want most is God, His presence, His will for my life. I simply trust Him. And yes I'm impatient a lot of times. My imagination is my gift and curse at times. I've spent the better half of my life pursuing Him, His presence and way, a mature understanding of His Word. I understand the power I have and learning to walk in humility and meekness (power under control). To much is given, much is required. I love who I am.....strengths and weaknesses in all. I've learned to understand my weaknesses, I've learned to run to God with everything, I mean everything. I love what God is doing in my life in this seasons. Something has got to be different about me, that I can rejoice in my weaknesses and struggles and genuinely praise and thank God for them...WOW. Oh my God, when the enemy tries to blow things out of proportion I run into the presence of God and that thing shrinks back to size. Tonight, I heard the Lord say regarding a concern I had "It's ok".OMG, I started to cry and I'm crying now because the moment He said it, it was indeed ok! Which meant, honey be yourself, and who ever don't like it oh well! Just another confirmation to what Bishop preached on this past Sunday. Shiloam, nothing missing, nothing lacking, but complete and whole in Him. What and who God has for me, It is. Lord, I praise you in advance and if I forget to tell you....I had a good time.

Excerpt from The Ministry of a Wife: Marriage is Ministry Published '02

THEY SHALL BE ONE FLESH

There is a mystical moment when a man and a woman make love to one another in the presence of God that they perceive that in this physical realm they can never be close enough. The two lock together in a heated fix of like passion while longing to be one in every way possible. He desires to be as far inside of her as he can imagine, while she waits for his arrival to that place of oneness so that he can make a deposit and so that they can share a supernatural experience. His love for her inspires his every vigorous stride to make an intimate and spiritual connection that can’t be made in the natural sense. His passion drives him to continue a more aggressive pursuit for that very indescribable moment that the both of them soon share. She responds to his every gentle thrust with acceptance, patience, vision and expectation—and with God in the midst, what could have been an ordinary experience now becomes an extraordinary one.

Thoughts run rampant of their appreciation and thanksgiving to God for the blessing of love that is miraculously communicated to their spirit while engaging in that very precious act of intercourse. The experience is so powerful, so illuminating, and so breathtaking that one can’t help but cry out to one’s Maker. She desperately tries to communicate with words how she adores her husband by calling out his name. Other than his name or Jesus’ name, there are no words to describe or explain the depth of her heart, so she solely relies on the presence of God and her willingness to yield every part of her being—to reveal the pages of her heart. So what does one do? Speak in the spirit, of course, in attempt to utter those indescribable words that can only be spoken by the spirit.

He looks into her eyes and embraces her with a stare that seems to suggest that he has received the interpretation and that she belongs to him. The experience is sealed with a burst of tears and a sense of knowing that you have been completely understood. With every encounter, the Holy Spirit strengthens the love that is shared, forming a three fold cord that cannot be easily broken. The two begin to reflect upon their unique experience with God and they will never, be the same, again.

Monologue: Dear Adam (future husband)

Excerpt From The Ministry of a Wife: published in 2002

Dear Adam, ©©

I have come to the end of myself. Not losing heart or faith but allowing me the whole opportunity to see the manifestation of you manifested in my life. Though I have grown weary with the time that has passed and still no physical manifestation of you, I have come to the end of myself, and found strength and courage in the presence of our dear Father who re-affirms His promise, His solemn promise of you to swiftly, and expeditiously appear at the most opportune moment when dreams become reality. Not too late and not to soon will you appear in all of your glory, filled with praise as a willing vessel to communicate to me the Masters unique desire to love me the way I have never been loved before. And how my body trembles at the precious thought, the idea, that soon you and I shall cut a covenant of the highest, and embark upon a journey that will lead us to the altar of our consummation and it will be sealed in blood. As it stains the sheets beneath us, so will my spirit be stained with yours as an everlasting token of our oneness. That at every moment of remembrance I will be consumed by images of how you delicately yielded yourself to the moment, to His presence and to my love. Oh Adam, how I long to look deep within your eyes and see my reflection starring back at me. Having my deepest desire revealed; to see myself through your warm eyes of understanding is a day that I anticipate and look forward to. To allow myself to be yielded to that same Holy Presence, and be used of Him to waywardly express my gratitude, my appreciation and my thanksgiving for His most unique and pleasurable plan that caused our souls to collide. Adam, my heart belongs to you and I can not give it to another. So for now I must find counsel in the stroke of a pen, pouring my heart upon paper like ink, which will permanently stain the pages of them. I must take refuge and solace in the imagination of my own heart until I can one day gracefully rest my head upon the sweet smelling fragrance of your aroma that flows so sweetly from that place within you, that place that undoubtedly holds the very essence of my life. 

Monologue: Dear Adam

Excerpt from The Ministry of a Wife: www.kingdom-scribes.com  pub. 2002

Dear Adam

        Thinking of you is all I seem to do lately! Growing weary of distractions, but nonetheless they are not you! You’re all I want and all I’ll ever need. This time of waiting, I seem to be growing impatient, drawing nearer to the Lord, who gives me peace in knowing that the intersection of our lives is not a matter of what if, but a matter of when. In between my summer and winter, I’m missing you something awful. I do so long for the day that I can share my thoughts of you, my dreams, my goals, my fears, and my expectations. I know exactly what you want and what you need. You want it all, and you want it all wrapped up into one woman, your Eve. She has to be every woman in order to keep you happy! I know you want her to be strong enough to push you to the place where you need to be, but yet gentle enough to yield to your instruction. Woman enough to be who God has called her to be, yet girl enough to give you something to protect and take care of. She loves the way she feels when she’s in your arms. So soft and delicate, fragile, yet sturdy enough to hold up under your masculinity! Don’t you love the way she makes you feel? You’re so strong and so special. No man can touch her where you can. You make her want to be the little girl she never had the chance of being. You make her want to touch every part of you especially the parts of you that have never been touched by anyone, not even God! And it was His purpose all along, to give you that special someone, your Eve created to do just that! She feels so safe in your arms and she rests assured that there is nothing you will not do for her. Her spirit knows that you are inside of her, thereby knowing her every desire. For her to long is for you to long. For her to hurt is for you to hurt and for her to cry is for you to cry. Your world just isn’t right unless hers is. I bet you thought you could never feel this way about anyone huh? But here’s the wisdom of the woman, she always knew she would feel this way for you even before she met you! You don’t want her to be another distraction. Who can blame you? Oh but she is not. Look within yourself and find what you never knew was there. The Father has been talking to you all along, even during the distractions and disappointments. Deep down you knew they were not me, the one you were waiting for, because that inner part of yourself that only I can fill was still just as hollow as it had ever been. And though you desperately wanted to find Eve you were sadly disappointed because she did not live up to your expectations! Do not give up my dear Adam, be patient for a yet while more. I will be ready soon. I know the time has not yet come for us, but I am waiting and praying everyday that He gives me and you the patience and the heart to wait. Know that I love you now and always. Until then, know that you are in my thoughts and prayers!